Learn to Be Kind to Yourself

Like many people with anxiety and depression, I set really high expectations for myself. When planning my four-month trip abroad, I dreamed big. I made lists of things to accomplish with my blog, in my personal life, and in each city. I was fairly confident that because I’ve learned how to cope over the years, my mental illnesses would not stop me from getting things done.

When I arrived in Valencia for the first leg of my trip, things did not go according to plan. Everyone I met was so excited about the adventure in front of us and so happy with the decision to travel and work remotely, but I was no longer sure about the whole thing.

Faced with others’ confidence and optimism—on top of missing my comfortable life in D.C.—I began to spiral. I questioned how much I really wanted to put myself in this new, uncomfortable situation surrounded by strangers. I wondered if my blog would really help others with their mental illness or if I was just wasting my time. I doubted that I could ever feel well enough to finish the tasks on my lists. Overall, I was consumed by my depression and anxiety in ways I haven’t been in a long time.

Because it had been a few years since I last felt my mental illness completely take over, I felt lost. If a friend or family member had been feeling the way I was feeling—completely alone, not good enough, like curling up in a ball and crying nonstop—I would’ve told them to take it easy, to not be so hard on themself. After all, depression and anxiety are chronic illnesses, and you can’t just get over or power through them. But when I was the one who needed to take it easy, I couldn’t accept it. I was frustrated at my emotions and my inability to power through.

Luckily, I have friends and family who support me. They told me what I needed to hear: you can’t expect to do everything the first week you arrive alone in a new country with a different culture and language. I am so grateful for these people for their kind words, but I also need to learn to give myself these kind words in the moments when they are not there.

My inspiration is: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Over the years, I’ve worked really hard to remember this quote when interacting with others. With practice, I can now often resist the urge to judge people immediately. I try to imagine what they may be going through that causes their actions, like cutting me off in traffic or saying something hurtful.

Even with this mental shift, I still haven’t tried applying this quote to how I treat myself. You would think it would be easier since I know full well what battle I’m fighting, but often mental illness tricks you into thinking you are not worthy of kindness—even from yourself. That needs to change.

Since being in Valencia, I have been trying to treat myself as I would treat a friend in need. When I don’t get everything on my daily to-do list done, I take a deep breath and remind myself that it’s ok. I try not to compare myself to others when I see their social media posts with thousands of likes or hear about their productive days. I don’t feel guilty when I need to take a siesta after a busy morning. In short, I’m making the extra effort to be kind to myself. And you should too.

Do one kind thing for yourself today; treat yourself like you would a friend. Let me know via email if it makes a difference in your mental wellbeing like it’s making a difference in mine.